From the desk of Dr. Salk—
Here at The Night Clinic, we deal with a variety of unpleasant diseases and the patients who may or may not have them. For your education and enjoyment, I’ve included a brief lexicon of seven medical terms related to some of our recent cases.
The following information is, mostly, accurate.
Tetanus– Also known as lockjaw, tetanus is a bacterial infection of the ubiquitous Clostridium tetani. Lying dormant in soil as hibernating spores, C. tetani awakens in the moist, pulsating environment of a wound. There, it produces neurotoxins that cause muscles to contract. Tetanus comes from the Greek for taut or stretch, which sounds almost relaxing. Except that tetanus spasms can be strong enough to fracture bone.
Mange– A skin disease caused by parasitic mites inhabiting the skin and hair follicles of mammals including squirrels, sheep, foxes, bears, wombats, catamounts, and even your darling goldendoodle puppy. Humans, by the way, are not immune to mange, which is better known as scabies. But not all mites are bad. Right now, there are millions of harmless, microscopic mites teeming on your skin, face, and eyelashes! You might also be interested to know that mites have eight legs and are technically arachnids.
Black Death– A historic term for bubonic plague, a bacterial infection associated with flu-like symptoms and buboes— engorged, necrotic lymph nodes in the groin, armpits and neck. Rats get a bad rap, but it was actually the fleas they carried aboard ships and into ports who played host to the bacterium, Yersinia pestis. Although cases of bubonic plague continue to occur today, the disease is treatable. Still, I like to think it might just be biding its time. After all, scientists have identified antibiotic resistant strains of the plague. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down!
Diverticulitis– Do you ever think about the things you put in your mouth? About their dark, wet, squelching journey through the tube connecting you from one end to the other? Do you ever think about all those tiny, folded, pockets of your intestines, that heaving accordion of contractile tissue the length of a school bus? Did you know that sometimes those small niches deep inside you can become infested with bacteria and inflamed to the point of perforation?
Rabies– Imagine you’re lying in a hammock on a balmy summer evening. Something membranous and downy brushes your foot. A bat cartwheels away and disappears into the dusk. A curious encounter! But your skin looks unblemished. You’ve no inkling that bat bites can be undetectable, that even a scratch can transmit the lyssavirus causing rabies. Months, even years might pass while the virus incubates, methodically crawling its way up your nerves. By the time the first symptoms manifest as fever, violent movements, confusion, excitement, and a fear of water, it’s far too late.
Teratoma– Did you ever wish you had a twin? You just might! From the Greek for monstrous, teratomas are tumors containing multiple types of tissue—muscle, skin, and bone, but also teeth and hair. They can result from one fetus absorbing another in the womb and may retain the eyes and limbs of the cannibalized sibling. Teratomas often manifest as painless lumps that can remain undiagnosed for years. So, the next time you find an unusual bump or boil, consider that it might be the remnants of the twin you ate.
Retrovirus– What are you, anyway? Perhaps nothing more than a set of instructions written into the sequence of your genes. Then what happens when something comes along and rewrites the recipe for you? Retroviruses replicate by inserting their genes into the DNA of their host. Once inside, the retrovirus isn’t just a passenger—it hijacks the machinery of the cell to replicate itself at the expense of all other functions. Hopefully those weren’t important functions like providing immunity or preventing cancer. All a retrovirus wants is to multiply, even if that means overwriting you— tweaking letters, punctuating lines, slashing entire paragraphs. But not to worry, it’s always been like this. In fact, about 8% of your genome is viral ‘junk DNA’ left behind from countless infections of your distant ancestors. In a way, I suppose we’ve always been together. Pathogen and host: a romance to outlast the ages!
I hope this has been informative. Please, if you ever find yourself in need of assistance with these or any other medical conundrums, come see us some evening at The Night Clinic.
Atara Blake
Atara Blake (she/her) is a molecular biologist, visual artist, and writer of weird tales living in the dark woods of Portland, OR. Find her online at @strangeisthenight.bsky.social.