And lo, as Eve worked her way from calf to thigh,

she did gnaw greedily. And she did verily back-hand

all other masticating corpses that dared approach,

sending them sailing through the air to hear them land

with a satisfying thwack.

Barely pausing to chew properly, she did eat her way

from Adam’s toes to his junk. (She and Adam

had given covenant that they would lovingly serve

as each other’s lunch should the other be turned.)

And lo, if Adam did moan as Eve indulged in his member,

Eve’s Zombie ears were deafened to his cries. She

laughed heartily as she ate, saying, “He that hath ears,

let him hear,” for her ears were zombie deaf

and she was consumed solely with her engorgement.

Her own conversion had happened under a tree. Naturally. 

One minute, Eve did rest against the rough bark, the next,

she was bitten. Infected. Zombified. God! This would surely

never have happened if they were still in residence in The Garden.

But that damned Adam and his “apple blaming.” Verily, I say,

Eve had never lived it down. First bite (Forbidden). Don’t

do it, Adam! First lie (What’s a lie?) Don’t say it, Adam!

But as we all know, Adam was a man who liked to come out

on top. (Just ask his first wife, Lilith.) But this is the story

of Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Lilith.

And regardless of Adam’s status as a practiced liar,

all these centuries later, Eve knows full well

what a lie is. What it looks like. Smells like. The way

it sticks in the throat, bobbing up and down

as evidence for all to see, ignore it or not.

And behold, Eve did work her way up to that final juicy moment—

the one she had been saving for last. And when she did bite into

Adam’s apple, all she could think was how sweet it was

that at the end of the world, she would finally get a taste of that

cool, crisp sin. The thing that had started it all.

And Eve’s final bite was slick, cold and apple sweet.