first time around

When I emerged from my chrysalis
I discovered I was alone.
But I felt the tug of that tricky red string,
knew the journey I would take
as my wings unfurled,
sewage blue like the ocean that cocooned me.

Eyes skyward toward Margaret Mary’s windows,
la Pieta, my own Nazareth,
but I only passed through.
Sea glass for sustenance:
Heineken green, Corona grey, Budweiser brown,
Sickly sweet malt liquor mouth
but no time for acquired tastes

What’s white like snow but doesn’t get cold?
Their teeth shined twice as bright
with just a swipe
Folded myself just so, pretty and pert
And wished for my electric blue tremor to slow
into a languid shiver, a perfect purr
Maybe he would like me then.

See, the meaning of life is no closer
than it was at twenty-two and fire wild
Fed by light, quenched by noise,
a kaleidoscope of almost colors
But there’s still room
for ink-stained introspection yet
Denouement before disintegration,
parts of a whole

an apology letter to the girl in the pleated skirt whose Red Stripe was awful, but mostly to myself

When I didn’t cross in time, he yelled to commit
I’ve never been to Vauxhall and it shows but
our laughter ricochets in archways, it’s alright, forget it

It’s this part that I can never keep my mouth shut
I’ve paid twice as much for a drink I half want
I’ve never been to Vauxhall and it shows but

At least I can hide in my usual haunt
Smoke uncurling inside me, beneath me
I’ve paid twice as much for a drink I half want

This girl keeps handing me her beer, she
Thinks I can save her, face obscured by dry ice
Smoke uncurling inside me, beneath me

And yeah, I’m a good person, but I’m not nice
I can’t even save myself, but she still
Thinks I can save her, face obscured by dry ice

If time zones can’t fix me, nothing really will
When I didn’t cross in time, he yelled to commit
I can’t even save myself, but she still —
I’ve never been to Vauxhall and it shows but —

Holden Davies

Holden Davies is a writer, musician, and multimedia artist based in NYC. When not creating, they work in stage management. They hold an MFA in Poetry from City College of New York.